The F Word

Jesus answered "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times – Matthew 18:22

It's one of those words that carry mass amounts of power. When you say it, and you mean it, others take notice. And it is potentially the most life changing word to the person on the other end of it.

Forgiven.

If you are a Jesus follower, you must realize that forgiveness isn't simply just another program Christians open when they need it, and close when they're done making a decision. No, forgiveness is the entire operating system of the Jesus follower, powered by love. (And I admit, I borrowed some of that analogy from Pastor Steve Furtick). Yet I wonder how many of us go through each day with a damaged or weighted heart because forgiveness is not operating the way it should be. Either that we feel we have been wronged, or we know we have wronged someone else. And in either case, if forgiveness isn't acted upon immediately the consequences can be debilitating. UN-forgiveness can distort how you view yourself. It can severely damage your relationship with others. And it will hinder your relationship with God.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you…..FIRST go and be reconciled to your brother – Matthew 5:23-24

I would like to share two (hopefully short) experiences I've had with the power of forgiveness (and the debilitation of UN-forgiveness). First is an experience that I'm not exactly proud of, but God used it as a great time of learning and understanding. Last summer I felt as though a very close friend of mine had misused and betrayed my trust. And after confronting the issue, we both apologized and I said I "forgive" you. And I did….I thought? Didn't I? Well, as time went on, my mind kept running those things through my head every now and then. And whenever I saw my friend, those would be the first things I thought of, and every interaction seemed to be weighted down (in MY heart) by what had already been "forgiven."Long story short, after about FOUR MONTHS of this, our relationship had become very strained. And it was on this brink of completely coming apart from my friend that I realized, something was still wrong….and that something was in me. For so long, even after "forgiving" my friend, I held onto the whole "you betrayed my trust" thing, that it eventually lead to ME being the offender. I was the one who had the distorted view of our friendship all of a sudden (it wasn't really all of a sudden, but it felt like it in the moment it hit me). And when that hit me, I was heartbroken. I had been guilty of the very thing I was so angry at my friend for doing, betraying our friendship. I didn't know what to do. I felt like everything had fallen to pieces, and now realized it was more my fault than I had taken credit for. In fact, in this moment, now, it was MOSTLY my fault, for harboring these thoughts that I assured my friend I had "forgiven" them of. I broke down and asked God to forgive me (which btw, my relationship with God had been affected in a negative way because of this too). And He pointed me to the verse above. So I immediately set out to be reconciled. THAT night we had a Skype chat (Skype = God send), and I told them everything. How I had held onto for far too long what had happened last summer. How even though this may not have started with me, I was the one in the wrong. It was my fault our friendship had fallen to hell. And with tears literally pouring down my face onto my keyboard, I poured my heart into forgiving my friend, and asking for the forgiveness I so did NOT deserve. I'll spare you all the details, but the next time we saw each other was one of those sissy fairytale moments if there ever was one. We made eye contact and stood for a moment. Then slowly, with each step moving faster, we went toward each other and hugged for the first time in what felt like forever. As we let go, we looked in each other's eyes and saw something different. Something that should have already been there. Something real. Forgiveness.

The second experience I have with forgiveness is also one I will most likely never forget, both for the impact it had, AND, the package in which God chose to deliver the message. I was playing Frisbee out in our church parking lot with some friends one time. One of them had a little sister who tagged along. She was only five, and I had known her long enough, she was as if a little sister to me also. But because we were using a bigger and heavier Frisbee than she could throw, she mostly just ran around in between all of us while we threw in the circle we were standing in. Yes, I know you can see where this is going. Well, as fate would have it, one of the people playing made a bad throw in my direction, so I took off after it. Now, I'm not the fastest runner in the world, but I can move pretty quickly because I can transfer my momentum very quickly. After about the second step I was fully "momentumized" heading toward the Frisbees errant direction. (Remember, little 5 year old girl randomly running around). And after about the third step, all of my momentum transferred from my right forearm into……this little girls face. I didn't see her, and she cut in front of me at the last second. I kind of caught her and scooped her up, as I plowed her over, so she wouldn't fall onto the hard pavement (points for trying right?!). I asked if she was ok and apologized, and she said yeah…no tears or anything. Cool, game on. Well, 30 seconds later she went up to her big sister crying about a nose bleed. Oh boy. So I went over and sure enough, it was bleeding. I picked her up and carried her laying back (so as not to get blood on her new white shirt…as if mom wouldn't have been upset as it is) inside to get it cleaned up. For about five minutes I cleaned her face and got her paper towels and sat there to hold them and her, all the while constantly apologizing. And THEN! In one of the most profound moments of my life to date, with bloody towels in one hand, she reached up and put her other hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eyes, and with the same determination I was trying to apologize with she started saying "Nate I forgive you" "I still love you" "It's ok I forgive you" "It doesn't matter I still love you." I have never in my life seen another person who, after I had wronged them, was SO concerned about letting me know it was ok. She was more concerned about making sure I knew things were ok between us, that nothing had changed the fact that she loved me, that even though I had made her hurt and bleed she didn't want that to affect our friendship, than she was about the fact that she was hurt and bleeding. Oh. My. Word. From a five year old girl nonetheless. If I have ever seen a picture of REAL forgiveness, the forgiveness that Jesus offers us, it was in this little girl's eyes that night. That. No. Matter. What. Had. Happened. "I. FORGIVE. You. And. I. STILL. Love. YOU."

And now I ask; where do you stand? Is forgiveness operating in your life? Who has wronged you, and you just "can't" seem to let go of it? I URGE you, find them and be reconciled. Who have you wronged, and haven't had the courage to face and ask for forgiveness? I URGE you, find them and BE FLIPPIN' RECONCILED! Where ever you stand, I URGE you, please don't let pride imprison the power you have to prevent things from falling to pieces. Jesus demonstrated for us ultimate forgiveness by dying on the cross for us (father forgive them anyone?), and all we have to do is accept that forgiveness He offered and all our sins will be erased, and we will be in right standing with God. God knew the answer to relational turmoil was the operating system of forgiveness. And so I urge us to utilize that system, whether it be with yourself, with others, or with God. Where ever the need be, I urge you, watch your heart, and don't be afraid to use the F word.

Forgiveness is the key which unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness – Corrie Ten Boom